"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

As I look over the last year of nursing school I see how true this verse really is. God will give us the strength. He will help us. He will hold our hand and walk through the trials with us! How truly wonderful is this? I see it in so many other areas in my life as well. But every time I come up against something hard I tend to forget this verse. I tend to cling to my own strength and so many times it fails. This morning as I was getting ready to go take my final at school I realized that I was trying to cling to my own strength and not clinging to God's hand and relying on His strength. I realized I was too scared to let go of school and place it in God's hand. If I completely give it over to Him then I have absolutely no control and who knows what God will do with it once He has complete control. It took all the strength I had left in my body to open my hands and to give Him control! Control is something I struggle with daily and I was pondering this I had to ask myself what else am I holding on to? What else am I not allowing God to have control of? My boyfriend? My family? My dreams? My life? Along with control comes fear. They seem to come hand in hand. I want to cling to Isaiah 41:10 as I continue to walk through this struggle of control!

Lord, thankyou for breaking me. Thankyou for showing me areas that I hold tightly to. Help me to daily open my hands and surrender. Lord, help each one of us to surrender and not fear. Help us to cling to You and Your strength.

Dwelling on the Future

Tonight as I lay in bed with an aching body and a pounding head, my mind begins to wonder. In three months from now I will begin nursing school. Ahh the mixed emotions are almost overbearing at times. What if I don't make it? What if I realize I actually don't like nursing? What if, what if. Why do we base our lives so much on those two words? Normally when we are using those two words we are often talking about the past or the future. We think about the things we could have or should have done. We think about the things that might happen. This past month I have been dwelling on those two words way to much. What if I can't do it? What if I don't have enough money to pay for all my bills while I'm in school? What if I lose that person? What if I never find a place to fit in or belong? What if I always feel like a stranger? This morning in my devotions I was reading a devotional book by Joni Eareckson Tada and she was talking about how we dwell too much on the future. We are always preparing for the future. We tend to look at today as a day of training. A day of preparing us for the future. Think of the things you did today. Most likely you started off your day with a list in your mind and a goal for what you wanted to have done by the end of the day. This is how we live our life. We look at each day as part of the process to reach our goal or future. But then Joni said something in the book that make me stop in my tracks. She said that what we call the process God calls the end. To God, our future is right now. He wants us to live in this moment! The things we do today, the conversations we have today are the most critical in our life. We need to learn to embrace today and live in each moment. I need to stop dwelling on the future and start embracing where I am today and what I am doing today.  How often have I focused on the future and missed critical opportunities that were right in front of me that very moment. Today is our future. We aren't promised future or tomorrow so lets make each day count. Embrace His presence because He doesn't just offer it in the future, He offers it today and right now!

"This moment is the future for which you've been preparing!" -Joni Eareckson Tada

"What you call preparation, God calls the end. And if you have a further end in view, then perhaps you are not paying sufficient attention to the immediate present."    -Oswald Chambers

Contentment: Philippians 4:11

With the New Year here, my mind has been filled with thoughts about where I want to be in life next year at this time and the person I want to be. Lately I have been struggling with being content with where God has me in life. Since I’m in college I can’t just pack my clothes and decide to go away. I can’t say yes, I will commit to serving the Lord over in that country. Since I’m in college I have to say yes, Lord, I will serve you right where I am at. But so often for me that doesn't seem like enough! I often find myself longing to be that person that is going on the mission fields or putting their time into a ministry at home. But since the New Year and thinking about the person I am and the person I want to be I have discovered that I need to learn to be content with where God has me in my life right now.

So let’s address the word contentment. The definition of contentment is, “a state of happiness and satisfaction”. When we are constantly thinking about the things we don’t have, the person we can’t be, the friends we don’t have, we become very unhappy and very unsatisfied people.

So what does contentment mean for a Christian? Philippians 4:11 talks about being content in whatever situation you are in. In Philippians, Paul knew how to be content. His secret was to draw strength from the Lord. When there isn't enough money, rely on God’s promise to supply all your needs. When you feel alone and you long for that one person, draw your strength from the Lord and trust Him that He knows what is best for you. When you want things to be different in your life and you wish you could be like that woman or man across the room that is obviously making a difference in the lives of many, trust God that right now you are where He wants you. I believe that once I become content with where God has me in life that I will become a happier person and I believe that my relationship with the Lord will blossom. The closer I am to the Lord the easier it will be to be content with every situation in life.

So that said, my word for 2015 is contentment. I want to face each day with contentment and when I long for more I want to come into the habit of stopping and asking God to remove that desire to replace it with contentment.

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned that whatsoever state I am, therwith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

You Are His. You're Beautiful.

                As I sit at my desk sipping hot tea and reading my bible, I’m overcome with the love of my heavenly Father. As I look back at today I realize that God was showing me over and over again how unquenchable His love is for me. No, nothing out of the ordinary happened today but songs I listened to and things I read kept bringing out the fact that I can’t even understand how much God loves me! Over the years things have been said and been done to me that have opened the door for Satan’s lies to freely flow into my heart and mind. Why is it so much harder to listen to God’s voice of truth than to listen to Satan’s voice of deception?  Girls, did you know you are absolutely beautiful? Did you know you are perfect in every way? Did you know that one man loved you enough to die for you? Did you know that one man thinks constantly about you? Doesn’t this make your heart skip a beat? I know it sure makes mine skip beats! So often we as girls think that we are anything but perfect. We get so caught up in the images of the world that we forget about who God wants us to be! If we aren’t dating we think that we are unlovable. Why is it so hard to grasp the concept that God loved you and me so much that He died for us? For most of my life I have thought of myself as that one girl who is missing beauty and perfection. I honestly didn’t think God loved me that much. Seriously if God loves me like everyone says He does than why am I constantly fighting battles and going through hard times? Why do I face weekends alone? These are deceptive thoughts that I face over and over! These thoughts have had me in such a low place that evenings when I went to bed all I would do is ask God what I did and cry myself to sleep. It’s just within the past couple months that I have begun to be content with where God has me. I have started to see the love He has for me. Seriously the last couple weeks I have realized that God’s love for me is so amazing that it absolutely blows my mind and has me smiling and crying all at the same time. Today as I was listening to MercyMe’s song “Beautiful”, I couldn’t help but raise my arms in praise and thanksgiving! Girls, each one of you are beautiful! Each one of you are loved in a way that you cannot even begin to image! There is a Man who is desperately trying to pursue you. Please don’t wait as long as I did to let Him catch you and enthrall you with His abundant everlasting love! Girls, we should have as much respect for ourselves as our Maker has for us! Put the magazines down. Shut off the TV. Open your bible and fall in love with the One who thinks of you constantly. The more time we spend with God, the more we become who He has called us to be!  Look at your body as perfection. Don’t hate yourself because your body isn’t the way you want it to be. He made you perfectly in His image.   His love cannot be overcome! You are treasured. You are sacred. You are His. You are beautiful.

Psalm 139:14 : “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Psalm 139:17-18 : “ How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. 

The Dance of Life

Life is a dance. I am dancing to my daily routine when he cuts into my dance. There he is again. Where had be been? Where did he disappear to this time? With a smile on my face I join him in my new dance of life. He twirls me around with proudness shining through his eyes. His love for me making my smile become wider across my face. He was leading me through my dance, the way he was always suppose too. I close my eyes enjoying very moment. Suddenly I no longer feel him leading me. I feel my body spin out of control with no one to stop me and protect me. I catch myself before my body is hurled upon the cold floor. He was gone. Again. Slowly I gather myself and through the tears and confusion I begin to dance again. But this time I dance alone. How long would he be gone this time? How long would it be before he came back to dance with me again? This is my dance of life. But as God drew this illustration in my mind today, he asked me something I want to ask you today. Is this your dance with God? Do we come and go with God? Do we only dance with Him when times are hard? Do we only dance with Him when we need something from Him? Dancing with God should be a ball room dance that never ends! A dance that never runs out of music. How is your dance with God? God never stops dancing with us but do we stop dancing with Him? The last while I am guilty of stopping my dance with God! Through this illustration He gave me of my own life I realized how I make Him feel when I randomly stop dancing with Him. I hurt Him but yet He is always there waiting on me! How is your dance with your Heavenly Father?

DISTANCE

      Distance. The word makes me shiver.So often when I think of the word distance, I think of the many miles that separate me from my best friend. But the last while when I think of the word distance I think of the space between God and me. I feel like there is so much distance between us. I feel like He has abandoned me and completely forgot about me. I have been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now and I would keep pushing it underneath until finally last week I felt like I was completely depressed. I knew what was really bothering me but kept telling myself that the distance between I and God would have to wait because right now I have to much studying to do for finals. Finally the stress of school and the stress of that distance got to me. So I sat at my desk and pulled out my bible (the last thing I felt like doing) and began to read and think. Slowly the pieces came together. I was angry at God. I was angry at God for leaving me and forgetting about me. In my mind I know God doesn't leave me and I know that He doesn't forget about me. But my heart and my mind aren't communicating! Well I prayed and cried about it that day and then the rest of the week I kept trying to figure out how to make my heart and my mind communicate. And I kept trying to figure out why I struggled with this so much. Then tonight as I was talking with my best friend everything began to click. The reason I struggle with thinking God forgot about me and He abandoned me is because I often view God  the way I view my earthly father. I often think God is there but He really doesn't want anything to do with me. Yes, He loves me, but He loves other things more and chooses them over me. In other words, I viewed God as Him being there but really not caring about me or what is going on in my life. With my mind filled with these thoughts I opened my bible and the first thing I saw on the page I turned to was CRUCIFIXION. Wow! So I sat down and read that terrible yet amazing story. Jesus loved me so much that He endured being mocked, being spit on, and being crucified. As He hung on the cross His body became weaker and weaker and eventually He suffocated to His death. Jesus loved me so much that he endured all those horrible things! But how do I make my heart believe that? How do I make my heart believe that God is there and will never ever abandoned me and that He cares so much about the things I'm going through and feeling? How do I stop viewing God the same way I view my earthly father? I don't have the answers to these questions. But I do know that if I take it one day at a time and continually spend time with God, I will over come this fear inside of me that God really doesn't care about me. And from now on when I hear the word distance I will think of it as a challenge. A challenge to overcome the distance that separates me from God!

For the Paul Byler family

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn 

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes


         Will the struggle end? Once more they gather to say their final goodbyes. Once more they hold each other with tears streaming down their faces. "Not even five months ago we buried our father and now You take our mother too? Lord, where are you? Will the struggles end? Lord, will a song rise from our broken hearts?" The casket shuts. "Lord, why? We need at least one of our parents!" The shovel strikes the dirt. Thud. The dirt slams onto the casket. " No, Lord! We want to see her one more time. To hear her speak one more time. To feel her arms of love wrapped around us one more time!"        
          People leave and life goes back to normal. But what is their new normal? Will they find a new normal? Will the struggle end? Together they will gather with no parents in the midst of them. No longer will they hear their words of encouragement. No longer will the grandchildren see their grandpa and grandma. But with this sadness comes peace. Peace because they know their parents are holding hands and walking the streets of gold. Peace because they know that one day they will join their parents and walk that street of gold with them. Yes, the days will be hard and no the struggle may never end but neither will God. Yes, people may seem to forget about them but God won't. Each day He gives them just enough strength for a new day! Each time they feel like they can't take one more step, He picks them up and takes the next step for them. God not only does this for the Byler family but He also does it for you! In the midst of our struggle and the tragedies in our life, God is right there. So often we feel like He has forgotten us but He is right there holding His hand out to you!