"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

As I look over the last year of nursing school I see how true this verse really is. God will give us the strength. He will help us. He will hold our hand and walk through the trials with us! How truly wonderful is this? I see it in so many other areas in my life as well. But every time I come up against something hard I tend to forget this verse. I tend to cling to my own strength and so many times it fails. This morning as I was getting ready to go take my final at school I realized that I was trying to cling to my own strength and not clinging to God's hand and relying on His strength. I realized I was too scared to let go of school and place it in God's hand. If I completely give it over to Him then I have absolutely no control and who knows what God will do with it once He has complete control. It took all the strength I had left in my body to open my hands and to give Him control! Control is something I struggle with daily and I was pondering this I had to ask myself what else am I holding on to? What else am I not allowing God to have control of? My boyfriend? My family? My dreams? My life? Along with control comes fear. They seem to come hand in hand. I want to cling to Isaiah 41:10 as I continue to walk through this struggle of control!

Lord, thankyou for breaking me. Thankyou for showing me areas that I hold tightly to. Help me to daily open my hands and surrender. Lord, help each one of us to surrender and not fear. Help us to cling to You and Your strength.

Dwelling on the Future

Tonight as I lay in bed with an aching body and a pounding head, my mind begins to wonder. In three months from now I will begin nursing school. Ahh the mixed emotions are almost overbearing at times. What if I don't make it? What if I realize I actually don't like nursing? What if, what if. Why do we base our lives so much on those two words? Normally when we are using those two words we are often talking about the past or the future. We think about the things we could have or should have done. We think about the things that might happen. This past month I have been dwelling on those two words way to much. What if I can't do it? What if I don't have enough money to pay for all my bills while I'm in school? What if I lose that person? What if I never find a place to fit in or belong? What if I always feel like a stranger? This morning in my devotions I was reading a devotional book by Joni Eareckson Tada and she was talking about how we dwell too much on the future. We are always preparing for the future. We tend to look at today as a day of training. A day of preparing us for the future. Think of the things you did today. Most likely you started off your day with a list in your mind and a goal for what you wanted to have done by the end of the day. This is how we live our life. We look at each day as part of the process to reach our goal or future. But then Joni said something in the book that make me stop in my tracks. She said that what we call the process God calls the end. To God, our future is right now. He wants us to live in this moment! The things we do today, the conversations we have today are the most critical in our life. We need to learn to embrace today and live in each moment. I need to stop dwelling on the future and start embracing where I am today and what I am doing today.  How often have I focused on the future and missed critical opportunities that were right in front of me that very moment. Today is our future. We aren't promised future or tomorrow so lets make each day count. Embrace His presence because He doesn't just offer it in the future, He offers it today and right now!

"This moment is the future for which you've been preparing!" -Joni Eareckson Tada

"What you call preparation, God calls the end. And if you have a further end in view, then perhaps you are not paying sufficient attention to the immediate present."    -Oswald Chambers

Contentment: Philippians 4:11

With the New Year here, my mind has been filled with thoughts about where I want to be in life next year at this time and the person I want to be. Lately I have been struggling with being content with where God has me in life. Since I’m in college I can’t just pack my clothes and decide to go away. I can’t say yes, I will commit to serving the Lord over in that country. Since I’m in college I have to say yes, Lord, I will serve you right where I am at. But so often for me that doesn't seem like enough! I often find myself longing to be that person that is going on the mission fields or putting their time into a ministry at home. But since the New Year and thinking about the person I am and the person I want to be I have discovered that I need to learn to be content with where God has me in my life right now.

So let’s address the word contentment. The definition of contentment is, “a state of happiness and satisfaction”. When we are constantly thinking about the things we don’t have, the person we can’t be, the friends we don’t have, we become very unhappy and very unsatisfied people.

So what does contentment mean for a Christian? Philippians 4:11 talks about being content in whatever situation you are in. In Philippians, Paul knew how to be content. His secret was to draw strength from the Lord. When there isn't enough money, rely on God’s promise to supply all your needs. When you feel alone and you long for that one person, draw your strength from the Lord and trust Him that He knows what is best for you. When you want things to be different in your life and you wish you could be like that woman or man across the room that is obviously making a difference in the lives of many, trust God that right now you are where He wants you. I believe that once I become content with where God has me in life that I will become a happier person and I believe that my relationship with the Lord will blossom. The closer I am to the Lord the easier it will be to be content with every situation in life.

So that said, my word for 2015 is contentment. I want to face each day with contentment and when I long for more I want to come into the habit of stopping and asking God to remove that desire to replace it with contentment.

“Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned that whatsoever state I am, therwith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

You Are His. You're Beautiful.

                As I sit at my desk sipping hot tea and reading my bible, I’m overcome with the love of my heavenly Father. As I look back at today I realize that God was showing me over and over again how unquenchable His love is for me. No, nothing out of the ordinary happened today but songs I listened to and things I read kept bringing out the fact that I can’t even understand how much God loves me! Over the years things have been said and been done to me that have opened the door for Satan’s lies to freely flow into my heart and mind. Why is it so much harder to listen to God’s voice of truth than to listen to Satan’s voice of deception?  Girls, did you know you are absolutely beautiful? Did you know you are perfect in every way? Did you know that one man loved you enough to die for you? Did you know that one man thinks constantly about you? Doesn’t this make your heart skip a beat? I know it sure makes mine skip beats! So often we as girls think that we are anything but perfect. We get so caught up in the images of the world that we forget about who God wants us to be! If we aren’t dating we think that we are unlovable. Why is it so hard to grasp the concept that God loved you and me so much that He died for us? For most of my life I have thought of myself as that one girl who is missing beauty and perfection. I honestly didn’t think God loved me that much. Seriously if God loves me like everyone says He does than why am I constantly fighting battles and going through hard times? Why do I face weekends alone? These are deceptive thoughts that I face over and over! These thoughts have had me in such a low place that evenings when I went to bed all I would do is ask God what I did and cry myself to sleep. It’s just within the past couple months that I have begun to be content with where God has me. I have started to see the love He has for me. Seriously the last couple weeks I have realized that God’s love for me is so amazing that it absolutely blows my mind and has me smiling and crying all at the same time. Today as I was listening to MercyMe’s song “Beautiful”, I couldn’t help but raise my arms in praise and thanksgiving! Girls, each one of you are beautiful! Each one of you are loved in a way that you cannot even begin to image! There is a Man who is desperately trying to pursue you. Please don’t wait as long as I did to let Him catch you and enthrall you with His abundant everlasting love! Girls, we should have as much respect for ourselves as our Maker has for us! Put the magazines down. Shut off the TV. Open your bible and fall in love with the One who thinks of you constantly. The more time we spend with God, the more we become who He has called us to be!  Look at your body as perfection. Don’t hate yourself because your body isn’t the way you want it to be. He made you perfectly in His image.   His love cannot be overcome! You are treasured. You are sacred. You are His. You are beautiful.

Psalm 139:14 : “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Psalm 139:17-18 : “ How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. 

The Dance of Life

Life is a dance. I am dancing to my daily routine when he cuts into my dance. There he is again. Where had be been? Where did he disappear to this time? With a smile on my face I join him in my new dance of life. He twirls me around with proudness shining through his eyes. His love for me making my smile become wider across my face. He was leading me through my dance, the way he was always suppose too. I close my eyes enjoying very moment. Suddenly I no longer feel him leading me. I feel my body spin out of control with no one to stop me and protect me. I catch myself before my body is hurled upon the cold floor. He was gone. Again. Slowly I gather myself and through the tears and confusion I begin to dance again. But this time I dance alone. How long would he be gone this time? How long would it be before he came back to dance with me again? This is my dance of life. But as God drew this illustration in my mind today, he asked me something I want to ask you today. Is this your dance with God? Do we come and go with God? Do we only dance with Him when times are hard? Do we only dance with Him when we need something from Him? Dancing with God should be a ball room dance that never ends! A dance that never runs out of music. How is your dance with God? God never stops dancing with us but do we stop dancing with Him? The last while I am guilty of stopping my dance with God! Through this illustration He gave me of my own life I realized how I make Him feel when I randomly stop dancing with Him. I hurt Him but yet He is always there waiting on me! How is your dance with your Heavenly Father?

DISTANCE

      Distance. The word makes me shiver.So often when I think of the word distance, I think of the many miles that separate me from my best friend. But the last while when I think of the word distance I think of the space between God and me. I feel like there is so much distance between us. I feel like He has abandoned me and completely forgot about me. I have been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now and I would keep pushing it underneath until finally last week I felt like I was completely depressed. I knew what was really bothering me but kept telling myself that the distance between I and God would have to wait because right now I have to much studying to do for finals. Finally the stress of school and the stress of that distance got to me. So I sat at my desk and pulled out my bible (the last thing I felt like doing) and began to read and think. Slowly the pieces came together. I was angry at God. I was angry at God for leaving me and forgetting about me. In my mind I know God doesn't leave me and I know that He doesn't forget about me. But my heart and my mind aren't communicating! Well I prayed and cried about it that day and then the rest of the week I kept trying to figure out how to make my heart and my mind communicate. And I kept trying to figure out why I struggled with this so much. Then tonight as I was talking with my best friend everything began to click. The reason I struggle with thinking God forgot about me and He abandoned me is because I often view God  the way I view my earthly father. I often think God is there but He really doesn't want anything to do with me. Yes, He loves me, but He loves other things more and chooses them over me. In other words, I viewed God as Him being there but really not caring about me or what is going on in my life. With my mind filled with these thoughts I opened my bible and the first thing I saw on the page I turned to was CRUCIFIXION. Wow! So I sat down and read that terrible yet amazing story. Jesus loved me so much that He endured being mocked, being spit on, and being crucified. As He hung on the cross His body became weaker and weaker and eventually He suffocated to His death. Jesus loved me so much that he endured all those horrible things! But how do I make my heart believe that? How do I make my heart believe that God is there and will never ever abandoned me and that He cares so much about the things I'm going through and feeling? How do I stop viewing God the same way I view my earthly father? I don't have the answers to these questions. But I do know that if I take it one day at a time and continually spend time with God, I will over come this fear inside of me that God really doesn't care about me. And from now on when I hear the word distance I will think of it as a challenge. A challenge to overcome the distance that separates me from God!

For the Paul Byler family

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn 

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes


         Will the struggle end? Once more they gather to say their final goodbyes. Once more they hold each other with tears streaming down their faces. "Not even five months ago we buried our father and now You take our mother too? Lord, where are you? Will the struggles end? Lord, will a song rise from our broken hearts?" The casket shuts. "Lord, why? We need at least one of our parents!" The shovel strikes the dirt. Thud. The dirt slams onto the casket. " No, Lord! We want to see her one more time. To hear her speak one more time. To feel her arms of love wrapped around us one more time!"        
          People leave and life goes back to normal. But what is their new normal? Will they find a new normal? Will the struggle end? Together they will gather with no parents in the midst of them. No longer will they hear their words of encouragement. No longer will the grandchildren see their grandpa and grandma. But with this sadness comes peace. Peace because they know their parents are holding hands and walking the streets of gold. Peace because they know that one day they will join their parents and walk that street of gold with them. Yes, the days will be hard and no the struggle may never end but neither will God. Yes, people may seem to forget about them but God won't. Each day He gives them just enough strength for a new day! Each time they feel like they can't take one more step, He picks them up and takes the next step for them. God not only does this for the Byler family but He also does it for you! In the midst of our struggle and the tragedies in our life, God is right there. So often we feel like He has forgotten us but He is right there holding His hand out to you!

Dreams.... Empty Dreams

Have you ever had such big dreams for your life that they scare you? Dreams that you want to accomplish and you feel like you have it all planned out? Well I have been told I can be a big dreamer and sometimes I get so caught up in dreaming about all the things I want to accomplish that I forget about bouncing back into reality. Tonight a thought struck me. I think these dreams are amazing and I think they would be the ultimate perfect life for me, but does God think that about my dreams too? Ha well of course because God wants whats best for me and I clearly know whats best for me! Hahaha yes I do believe God just chuckled as I wrote that :) I always think my dreams would make the perfect life and I have to do everything to accomplish things. Well off I go trying so hard to accomplish my perfect dreams that I forget about God. Suddenly I'm stopped in my tracks. Where is God? Why is nothing going the way I want it to? "God, I know what career I want. I know where I want to take my career. I know what type of man I want to marry. I know all these things so why are they not happening?" In the stillness of the night I hear a whisper. A whisper that is so quiet but yet shatters the stillness of the night! "Sami, you have all these dreams and desires but you are trying to accomplishing them alone. You aren't allowing me to help! Your dreams seem so amazing to your human mind but the dreams I have for you can't even be comprehended by your human mind!" Yes, my dreams appear so wonderful but I need to follow God's dream and plan for my life. His dream for my life will be far greater than my own! Chasing our dreams end up with us feeling empty. All we need is God's love and to step in the footprints He has made for us!

Ephesians 3:20

" Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."  Ephesians 3:20          Today in my devotions I read that God is able to do for more than what we ask or can even begin to imagine! We shouldn't become discouraged about prayers that are unanswered. God doesn't answer right away because He wants to teach us to wait on Him, to trust Him in the hard situations. Instead of worrying when we get into a hard situation, we are to view them as a way for God to show His power and love for us. In the past couple months God has answered allot of my prayers but then there is one that continues to remain unanswered. A couple weeks ago I had some things on my car that needed to be fixed and I had no idea how I was going to pay for them! One night I lay in bed and with tears flowing down my face I cried out to God and told Him that He would have to provide a way! As soon as I turned everything over to God a sudden wave of peace flowed over me! Well a couple days later I received a donation for my schooling and I was able to get my car fixed so now next week I have a vehicle to drive to school! Yes, God continues to show me that nursing school is where He wants me right now even when I feel like I'm too weak to handle everything! There are days when I have no idea how I will swing everything financially and even emotionally but then I remember Ephesians 3:20. God is able to do more than what we even ask or can even imagine! But what about that prayer request I've been praying for over two years and its still unanswered?? It seems strange that God answers some of my prayers but then not others. Then a thought struck me... I still worry continuously about this unanswered prayer. In the last couple months I've actually pushed away from God because He hasn't answered this prayer. Why do I forget the prayers He has answered and dwell on the fact that He hasn't answered this prayer?? When I had my devotions this morning I realized that timing is God's way of teaching me to trust Him. Yes, I trusted Him with my smaller prayer request but I know that I don't completely trust Him with this bigger prayer request and I know that God knows I don't trust Him with it. He knows that worry is controlling me still. Instead of worrying about this prayer and when it will be answered or if it ever will be answered, I want to allow God to teach me to trust Him. I want God to show me how perfect His timing is. I know that if I wait on God to answer this prayer it will be absolutely beautiful. The hard part is trusting Him while I wait. I want to end with Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I believe if we wait and trust God's timing He will give us strength! In this coming year lets trust His timing even if its seems He has forgotten us! God's timing is teaching us to trust Him in the dark!

Today I Long....

Today I long to pick up the phone and tell you about my life. I long to tell you how I am living in the dream you wanted for me. I long to tell you how hard this dream is but how fulfilling it is at the same time. I long to tell you how lonely my life gets. I long to tell you how God has brought our family through so much! I long to tell you what I really want to do with my nursing career. I long to tell you about the struggles in my life. I long to feel your arms around me. I long to hear you tell me that everything will be alright. I long to tell you how much it hurt that you chose others over me. I long to tell you that even though your leaving shattered my world into a million pieces, I chose to allow it to make me a stronger person! I long to tell you how I wish you would have been there to protect me when someone broke my heart. I long to tell you how I wish you were around to tell me that someone will one day love me for who I am.I long to tell you that I pray for you! Most of all I long to tell you that I have forgiven you! It isn't just a one step deal. I have to forgive you over and over again. Today I long to talk to you!

Shattered Worlds

Tonight my heart is breaking in a million pieces! I look around me and all I see is people hurting. I see people on their knees crying out to God and all they hear is silence. I see tears splattering onto the ground because no one is there to catch them. "Lord where are you? Why are you allowing so many people to hurt?" What tears at my heart the most is not being able to take everyone's pain away! If that tears, at my heart then what must God be feeling right now? No, we don't understand why He allows such horrible things to occur, but He never leaves us through those horrible incidents. Soon after my dad left I use to sit in my closet at night and cry till I had no more tears to cry. In those moments when I was curled up on the floor sobbing, I felt so alone. My tears were splashing onto the carpet with no one there to catch them. Looking back now, I don't just see a heart broken little girl curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing alone. I see a man holding me, with his hands under my cheeks catching not only my tears but his tears as well. Looking back I see my heavenly daddy holding me and crying with me! Tonight I know that even though it doesn't seem like He cares, He is holding each of those precious families and He is catching their tears and His tears! For the rest of us whose worlds aren't being shaken quite as much as others around us, all we can do is pray! Let's come together and pray for those who are hurting and are going through something that seems unbearable! Let's cry with them! Let's hold them up when they are falling down! Let's always remember that God is crying with us! We are never alone!

Only Takes One Drop

In the past couple weeks I have been reminded how one act of kindness can start a whole chain of acts of kindness! In exactly one weeks time, two people filled up my car with gas for me! So for two weeks I didn't have to spend money on gas. These acts of kindness reminded me how much God loves me! I remember after one incident I sat in my car and just cried! The tears that flowed down my face were not tears of sorrow but tears of joy and thankfulness. God's love was so real to me that night. I felt His arms of love wrap around my shaking body not once, but twice! After these acts of kindness occurred to me I wanted to go do something kind for someone else. Then a thought struck me! It only takes one person. It only takes me to start a chain of acts of kindness. This chain could stretch around the whole world! This chain could change the world! Yes, life is hard sometimes. Yes, we sometimes feel depressed about where we are in life but when we go and add to that chain, we not only brighten someones day, we brighten our own day! We can change the world together. Just one drop of your love! It only takes one drop!

Where Feet May Fail

"I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine!"  I love this song but this morning it took on a whole new meaning for me. I have been following a page on Facebook about a girl who fell and is now paralyzed. Today she had a video of her singing this song and then a thought struck me. Would I be singing this song if I was in her shoes? Would I have a smile on my face? I was really challenged by her faith and trust in Jesus. Then she sang some words that really struck me and started to really challenge me. "Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, where ever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior!" Am I willing to walk upon the waters, where ever God calls me? In the past couple weeks I have not been willing to walk upon the waters for fear of failure. I did not keep my eyes above the waves. But I am His and He is mine so I will keep my eyes above the waves and I will call upon his name when storms arise. Becoming a nurse seems impossible. Nursing school is the wave that I see coming in the distance and I have turned the opposite direction and have started running. When it crashes in me I'll go down and I won't get back up. I have to run! Then something makes me turn around and walk at the wave. I take a step into the water. I see the ocean coming closer. Everything within me wants to turn and run, but I will keep my eyes above the wave!

Why Am I Doing This?

As I'm sitting at my desk trying to study for my chemistry exam, I keep asking myself why I'm putting myself through this. Why not just have a normal job instead of putting myself through extreme stress of nursing school. In other words, I was completely stressing myself out!! I decided to grab my devotional book and one of the first things I read was, " TRUST ME AND REFUSE TO WORRY, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength........ Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me." The thought I love the most is that God empowers us to handle each task that comes our way! As I look back through my life I see that this is true! I never could have made it through some things if God hadn't given me the power to make it through. And I know that if God wants me to be a nurse then He will have to empower me for each task because I can't do it on my own. I know that on my own I will never make it through nursing school but with God I can make it! I know that through nursing school, God is going to teach me to turn my worrying into trusting Him. As you think of me, pray that I would find motivation and strength. Pray that I wouldn't listen to the devil's voice of failure. Pray that I would continue to turn my worrying into trust. Pray that I would be an example of God's love to the people I can in contact with along my journey. Pray that people will see that I am different!! Thank-you in advance for your thoughts and prayers! I most definitely couldn't make it through this journey with out the encouraging words of friends and family! Blessing to each one of you!

LOVE

The definition of love: an intense feeling of deep affection. Ouch! That is how my love for Jesus should be described and honestly that does not describe my feelings for Him. This past weekend I have been angry at Him! "Why me, Lord? Why my family? Why do you take people away? Why does my friend have to experience that?" An intense feeling of deep affection. Tonight as I sit at my desk worrying about my circumstances God showed me that I am empty. Tonight He showed me I need more of His peace. After showing me that I am not filled with His peace, He showed me that I am not completely in love with Him. Falling in love with someone I can't see seems impossible! Tonight I want to fall in love with God! How do I get to the point where I have an intense feeling of deep affection for Him? Sadly it can't happen over night :( We need to be open to His love. We need to give ourselves fully. We need to praise Him instead of always requesting. We need to communicate with Him all the time! To me this seems so hard since I can't see Him. But tonight I want to fall in love with Him!! I pray that all of us want to have an intense feeling of deep affection for our Saviour!

Darkness

Darkness! I groped the wall looking for a light switch or anything that would allow light to enter the dark room, but there was nothing. I stumbled along what seemed to be a path. With my shaky voice I questioned what I was doing in this place. The only response I received was the darkness. Where was the end to this dark room? I needed to get out! I needed to see light! My foot struck something on the path and I felt my body lurch forward. I tried to grab something to break my fall but with the darkness around me I couldn't see to grab a hold of anything. My face hit the floor with a smack. I lay there for awhile wondering what the point was to even stand up. If I stood up I would just walk in circles and fall over and over again. Hot tears ran down my face. Why did it have to be so dark? Why couldn't I see what was in front of me? Suddenly I felt someone grab my hand and help me to stand up. Instantly I knew by the kindness in his touch that it was my Master. "Master, why is it so dark? Why can't I see what's ahead of me?" With the tenderness in His voice, He replied, "Because I hold what is ahead of you. You don't need to know. All you need to do is hold my hand and trust me!" Trust Him?? But what if He suddenly let go of my hand and I would fall again? As if He was reading my mind, He looked and me and said, " Sami, I won't let go of your hand! I am always with you even if you fall. When you fall I will help you stand up! Just take my hand and together we will make it through the darkness." I held tightly to His hand and looked up at Him, " Lord, you have called me to do something that seems beyond what I can handle. I don't know how I will become who you want me to become! Its too hard and I can't see ahead of me to see if I will make it through! He looked at me with loving eyes and said, "Samantha, just hold my hand and stay on My path and you will make it through! Just trust me!" He took a step forward and held out his hand. I looked at his hand and then into the blackness. Slowly I extended my hand until it was in His and together we stepped into the darkness.

Loving Myself

Do you ever struggle with loving yourself? Tonight I realized something about myself that I really don't want to face but I know I have to. Tonight I realized I really don't love myself. So often I think people don't notice me and I'm not wanted or good enough for them but then I realized that I think that about myself so I assume that other people think that about me too. Often I degrade myself and believe the lies the devil tells me. "Sami, your a nobody and people don't wanna be with a nobody. Sami, your body isn't perfect and that means no guy will fall in love with you. Sami, no one wants to date someone who comes from a broken home. Sami, people just don't like you." These are some of the lies I hear and I'm ashamed to say that I do believe them sometimes. But Satan knows our weak points and that is when he hits us with his lies that he longs for us to believe. I long to be the person who believes in themselves and knows that their perfect just the way they are. Something that amazes me is that God loves me even when I believe the lies satan tells me. God loves me no matter what! Why would he? Why would God love us? Because we are His! We are God's and that is all we should care about. When satan attacks us with his lies, we need to tell him that we are Gods. God created me for a reason! I am loved by God and God made me perfect just the way I am! Tonight I want to stop hating myself. I want to stop believing Satans lies. I want to be secure in God and his love for me! Lord, help me to hear your voice over the enemies voice!

Good Night Kisses

Quick! The word that flashes through my mind every night at work. Quick get this resident done and move onto the next one! Quick because I don't want to run behind. I need to stay caught up! Quick get her tucked into bed then I can move onto the next one! I share a quick smile and say good night and am ready to dart out the door,but then something stops me. The resident looks at me, smiles, and then out of no where kisses me on the cheek and says good night! Those moments are the moments that get you through the night. I no longer want to rush out the door. I want to sit and watch them sleep and enjoy the moment. I want to enjoy the moment of the good night kiss. Why rush and skip these moments? Sometimes these good night kisses are missed because I am in such a hurry to get finished on time or I'm too busy worrying about not getting finished on time. As soon as that good night kiss hits your cheek, the worries flee and you realize its okay to slow down! Its okay to run behind because these good night kisses are more important. Nursing Assistants aren't the only people with the word quick in their vocabulary. They aren't the only ones who rush around and miss moments that should be cherished. We as Christians are always rushing around worrying about what tomorrow brings. We are so busy worrying and having self pity that we miss the small moments that God brings our way. Sometimes those moments are there to show us that everything will be okay because God is in control. We miss those good night kisses. But when we stop, pray, and look around those good night kisses will appear everywhere! Lets not worry about what tomorrow brings! Lets stop, pray, and cherish the good night kisses. 

EASTER: God's Love

As the whip hit his back, he buckled with pain. Blood oozed out of the gashes on his back. As I stood there watching, tears streamed down my face. Why were they hurting him? Wasn't he the one who was healing people? I couldn't even begin to understand the pain, rejection, and anger he was going through at the moment! As I was watching them beat him, he looked up and looked right at me. His eyes were so full of compassion. When he looked at me, all the fear that was within me left. The sense of calmness overpowered the sense of fear.

Suddenly the soldiers grabbed him and shoved a crown of thorns on his head. As his scream of anguish reached my ears, I instantly threw my hands over my ears. I couldn't bear to hear the pain in his voice. After they shoved the crown on his head, they made him stand to his feet. What they did next was more than my heart could bear. Upon the deep gashes on his back, they laid a cross and he had to carry it. As he stumbled down the path, tears streamed down his face. But his tears were down occurring because of the pain he was feeling. His tears were tears of compassion for those who were rejecting him. Suddenly the cross became to heavy to bear and Jesus fell to the ground. A man was commanded to carry the cross for him. While Jesus was staggering along the path, people starting spitting on him and yelling, "Crucify him!" As I stood along the path watching and listening, my heart became heavy. I started screaming and begging people to stop but it was like no one could hear me. 

Love Most when Deserved Least

Most people need love the MOST when they deserve it the LEAST. I was reading a book and this line jumped out at me. How often do I ignore people when they need love the most? I was convicted because I know that after people hurt me, I normally don't love them back. My normal response is anger and hurt and I choose to ignore them. But today God told me that when people hurt me, that is when I need to love them the most. God asks us to do some pretty hard things, huh? The past two months have been stormy for me and it seems impossible to love those who hurt you. In the past two days two people have told me that I need to forgive and love again. I told my mom that its hard because it seems like people do the same things over and over again. How can I forgive when I know its just going to happen again? I told my mom that I'm just not ready to forgive right now! The cut is too deep. Then my mom told me that I need to pray and voice to God that I want to forgive that person. On top of asking God to help me forgive them, I need to ask God to help me love them. It doesn't seem fair though. It feels like all I do in life is forgive people! I thought it was going to be enough to forgive my Dad but now I need to forgive friends and family. But when it doesn't seem fair, I remind myself that God has forgiven me over and over and over again. If He can forgive me and love me again than I can forgive and love those who don't seem to deserve it!    "Lord help me to love and forgive again. Help me to be like You. Help me to overcome the hurt in my life. Help me to surrender the hard things in my life over to You! Lord, help me make it through this stormy part of my life."