Shattered Worlds

Tonight my heart is breaking in a million pieces! I look around me and all I see is people hurting. I see people on their knees crying out to God and all they hear is silence. I see tears splattering onto the ground because no one is there to catch them. "Lord where are you? Why are you allowing so many people to hurt?" What tears at my heart the most is not being able to take everyone's pain away! If that tears, at my heart then what must God be feeling right now? No, we don't understand why He allows such horrible things to occur, but He never leaves us through those horrible incidents. Soon after my dad left I use to sit in my closet at night and cry till I had no more tears to cry. In those moments when I was curled up on the floor sobbing, I felt so alone. My tears were splashing onto the carpet with no one there to catch them. Looking back now, I don't just see a heart broken little girl curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing alone. I see a man holding me, with his hands under my cheeks catching not only my tears but his tears as well. Looking back I see my heavenly daddy holding me and crying with me! Tonight I know that even though it doesn't seem like He cares, He is holding each of those precious families and He is catching their tears and His tears! For the rest of us whose worlds aren't being shaken quite as much as others around us, all we can do is pray! Let's come together and pray for those who are hurting and are going through something that seems unbearable! Let's cry with them! Let's hold them up when they are falling down! Let's always remember that God is crying with us! We are never alone!

Only Takes One Drop

In the past couple weeks I have been reminded how one act of kindness can start a whole chain of acts of kindness! In exactly one weeks time, two people filled up my car with gas for me! So for two weeks I didn't have to spend money on gas. These acts of kindness reminded me how much God loves me! I remember after one incident I sat in my car and just cried! The tears that flowed down my face were not tears of sorrow but tears of joy and thankfulness. God's love was so real to me that night. I felt His arms of love wrap around my shaking body not once, but twice! After these acts of kindness occurred to me I wanted to go do something kind for someone else. Then a thought struck me! It only takes one person. It only takes me to start a chain of acts of kindness. This chain could stretch around the whole world! This chain could change the world! Yes, life is hard sometimes. Yes, we sometimes feel depressed about where we are in life but when we go and add to that chain, we not only brighten someones day, we brighten our own day! We can change the world together. Just one drop of your love! It only takes one drop!

Where Feet May Fail

"I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine!"  I love this song but this morning it took on a whole new meaning for me. I have been following a page on Facebook about a girl who fell and is now paralyzed. Today she had a video of her singing this song and then a thought struck me. Would I be singing this song if I was in her shoes? Would I have a smile on my face? I was really challenged by her faith and trust in Jesus. Then she sang some words that really struck me and started to really challenge me. "Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, where ever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior!" Am I willing to walk upon the waters, where ever God calls me? In the past couple weeks I have not been willing to walk upon the waters for fear of failure. I did not keep my eyes above the waves. But I am His and He is mine so I will keep my eyes above the waves and I will call upon his name when storms arise. Becoming a nurse seems impossible. Nursing school is the wave that I see coming in the distance and I have turned the opposite direction and have started running. When it crashes in me I'll go down and I won't get back up. I have to run! Then something makes me turn around and walk at the wave. I take a step into the water. I see the ocean coming closer. Everything within me wants to turn and run, but I will keep my eyes above the wave!

Why Am I Doing This?

As I'm sitting at my desk trying to study for my chemistry exam, I keep asking myself why I'm putting myself through this. Why not just have a normal job instead of putting myself through extreme stress of nursing school. In other words, I was completely stressing myself out!! I decided to grab my devotional book and one of the first things I read was, " TRUST ME AND REFUSE TO WORRY, for I am your Strength and Song. You are feeling wobbly this morning, looking at difficult times looming ahead, measuring them against your own strength........ Since I am your Strength, I can empower you to handle each task as it comes. Because I am your Song, I can give you Joy as you work alongside Me." The thought I love the most is that God empowers us to handle each task that comes our way! As I look back through my life I see that this is true! I never could have made it through some things if God hadn't given me the power to make it through. And I know that if God wants me to be a nurse then He will have to empower me for each task because I can't do it on my own. I know that on my own I will never make it through nursing school but with God I can make it! I know that through nursing school, God is going to teach me to turn my worrying into trusting Him. As you think of me, pray that I would find motivation and strength. Pray that I wouldn't listen to the devil's voice of failure. Pray that I would continue to turn my worrying into trust. Pray that I would be an example of God's love to the people I can in contact with along my journey. Pray that people will see that I am different!! Thank-you in advance for your thoughts and prayers! I most definitely couldn't make it through this journey with out the encouraging words of friends and family! Blessing to each one of you!

LOVE

The definition of love: an intense feeling of deep affection. Ouch! That is how my love for Jesus should be described and honestly that does not describe my feelings for Him. This past weekend I have been angry at Him! "Why me, Lord? Why my family? Why do you take people away? Why does my friend have to experience that?" An intense feeling of deep affection. Tonight as I sit at my desk worrying about my circumstances God showed me that I am empty. Tonight He showed me I need more of His peace. After showing me that I am not filled with His peace, He showed me that I am not completely in love with Him. Falling in love with someone I can't see seems impossible! Tonight I want to fall in love with God! How do I get to the point where I have an intense feeling of deep affection for Him? Sadly it can't happen over night :( We need to be open to His love. We need to give ourselves fully. We need to praise Him instead of always requesting. We need to communicate with Him all the time! To me this seems so hard since I can't see Him. But tonight I want to fall in love with Him!! I pray that all of us want to have an intense feeling of deep affection for our Saviour!

Darkness

Darkness! I groped the wall looking for a light switch or anything that would allow light to enter the dark room, but there was nothing. I stumbled along what seemed to be a path. With my shaky voice I questioned what I was doing in this place. The only response I received was the darkness. Where was the end to this dark room? I needed to get out! I needed to see light! My foot struck something on the path and I felt my body lurch forward. I tried to grab something to break my fall but with the darkness around me I couldn't see to grab a hold of anything. My face hit the floor with a smack. I lay there for awhile wondering what the point was to even stand up. If I stood up I would just walk in circles and fall over and over again. Hot tears ran down my face. Why did it have to be so dark? Why couldn't I see what was in front of me? Suddenly I felt someone grab my hand and help me to stand up. Instantly I knew by the kindness in his touch that it was my Master. "Master, why is it so dark? Why can't I see what's ahead of me?" With the tenderness in His voice, He replied, "Because I hold what is ahead of you. You don't need to know. All you need to do is hold my hand and trust me!" Trust Him?? But what if He suddenly let go of my hand and I would fall again? As if He was reading my mind, He looked and me and said, " Sami, I won't let go of your hand! I am always with you even if you fall. When you fall I will help you stand up! Just take my hand and together we will make it through the darkness." I held tightly to His hand and looked up at Him, " Lord, you have called me to do something that seems beyond what I can handle. I don't know how I will become who you want me to become! Its too hard and I can't see ahead of me to see if I will make it through! He looked at me with loving eyes and said, "Samantha, just hold my hand and stay on My path and you will make it through! Just trust me!" He took a step forward and held out his hand. I looked at his hand and then into the blackness. Slowly I extended my hand until it was in His and together we stepped into the darkness.

Loving Myself

Do you ever struggle with loving yourself? Tonight I realized something about myself that I really don't want to face but I know I have to. Tonight I realized I really don't love myself. So often I think people don't notice me and I'm not wanted or good enough for them but then I realized that I think that about myself so I assume that other people think that about me too. Often I degrade myself and believe the lies the devil tells me. "Sami, your a nobody and people don't wanna be with a nobody. Sami, your body isn't perfect and that means no guy will fall in love with you. Sami, no one wants to date someone who comes from a broken home. Sami, people just don't like you." These are some of the lies I hear and I'm ashamed to say that I do believe them sometimes. But Satan knows our weak points and that is when he hits us with his lies that he longs for us to believe. I long to be the person who believes in themselves and knows that their perfect just the way they are. Something that amazes me is that God loves me even when I believe the lies satan tells me. God loves me no matter what! Why would he? Why would God love us? Because we are His! We are God's and that is all we should care about. When satan attacks us with his lies, we need to tell him that we are Gods. God created me for a reason! I am loved by God and God made me perfect just the way I am! Tonight I want to stop hating myself. I want to stop believing Satans lies. I want to be secure in God and his love for me! Lord, help me to hear your voice over the enemies voice!