For the Paul Byler family

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn 

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes


         Will the struggle end? Once more they gather to say their final goodbyes. Once more they hold each other with tears streaming down their faces. "Not even five months ago we buried our father and now You take our mother too? Lord, where are you? Will the struggles end? Lord, will a song rise from our broken hearts?" The casket shuts. "Lord, why? We need at least one of our parents!" The shovel strikes the dirt. Thud. The dirt slams onto the casket. " No, Lord! We want to see her one more time. To hear her speak one more time. To feel her arms of love wrapped around us one more time!"        
          People leave and life goes back to normal. But what is their new normal? Will they find a new normal? Will the struggle end? Together they will gather with no parents in the midst of them. No longer will they hear their words of encouragement. No longer will the grandchildren see their grandpa and grandma. But with this sadness comes peace. Peace because they know their parents are holding hands and walking the streets of gold. Peace because they know that one day they will join their parents and walk that street of gold with them. Yes, the days will be hard and no the struggle may never end but neither will God. Yes, people may seem to forget about them but God won't. Each day He gives them just enough strength for a new day! Each time they feel like they can't take one more step, He picks them up and takes the next step for them. God not only does this for the Byler family but He also does it for you! In the midst of our struggle and the tragedies in our life, God is right there. So often we feel like He has forgotten us but He is right there holding His hand out to you!

Dreams.... Empty Dreams

Have you ever had such big dreams for your life that they scare you? Dreams that you want to accomplish and you feel like you have it all planned out? Well I have been told I can be a big dreamer and sometimes I get so caught up in dreaming about all the things I want to accomplish that I forget about bouncing back into reality. Tonight a thought struck me. I think these dreams are amazing and I think they would be the ultimate perfect life for me, but does God think that about my dreams too? Ha well of course because God wants whats best for me and I clearly know whats best for me! Hahaha yes I do believe God just chuckled as I wrote that :) I always think my dreams would make the perfect life and I have to do everything to accomplish things. Well off I go trying so hard to accomplish my perfect dreams that I forget about God. Suddenly I'm stopped in my tracks. Where is God? Why is nothing going the way I want it to? "God, I know what career I want. I know where I want to take my career. I know what type of man I want to marry. I know all these things so why are they not happening?" In the stillness of the night I hear a whisper. A whisper that is so quiet but yet shatters the stillness of the night! "Sami, you have all these dreams and desires but you are trying to accomplishing them alone. You aren't allowing me to help! Your dreams seem so amazing to your human mind but the dreams I have for you can't even be comprehended by your human mind!" Yes, my dreams appear so wonderful but I need to follow God's dream and plan for my life. His dream for my life will be far greater than my own! Chasing our dreams end up with us feeling empty. All we need is God's love and to step in the footprints He has made for us!

Ephesians 3:20

" Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."  Ephesians 3:20          Today in my devotions I read that God is able to do for more than what we ask or can even begin to imagine! We shouldn't become discouraged about prayers that are unanswered. God doesn't answer right away because He wants to teach us to wait on Him, to trust Him in the hard situations. Instead of worrying when we get into a hard situation, we are to view them as a way for God to show His power and love for us. In the past couple months God has answered allot of my prayers but then there is one that continues to remain unanswered. A couple weeks ago I had some things on my car that needed to be fixed and I had no idea how I was going to pay for them! One night I lay in bed and with tears flowing down my face I cried out to God and told Him that He would have to provide a way! As soon as I turned everything over to God a sudden wave of peace flowed over me! Well a couple days later I received a donation for my schooling and I was able to get my car fixed so now next week I have a vehicle to drive to school! Yes, God continues to show me that nursing school is where He wants me right now even when I feel like I'm too weak to handle everything! There are days when I have no idea how I will swing everything financially and even emotionally but then I remember Ephesians 3:20. God is able to do more than what we even ask or can even imagine! But what about that prayer request I've been praying for over two years and its still unanswered?? It seems strange that God answers some of my prayers but then not others. Then a thought struck me... I still worry continuously about this unanswered prayer. In the last couple months I've actually pushed away from God because He hasn't answered this prayer. Why do I forget the prayers He has answered and dwell on the fact that He hasn't answered this prayer?? When I had my devotions this morning I realized that timing is God's way of teaching me to trust Him. Yes, I trusted Him with my smaller prayer request but I know that I don't completely trust Him with this bigger prayer request and I know that God knows I don't trust Him with it. He knows that worry is controlling me still. Instead of worrying about this prayer and when it will be answered or if it ever will be answered, I want to allow God to teach me to trust Him. I want God to show me how perfect His timing is. I know that if I wait on God to answer this prayer it will be absolutely beautiful. The hard part is trusting Him while I wait. I want to end with Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I believe if we wait and trust God's timing He will give us strength! In this coming year lets trust His timing even if its seems He has forgotten us! God's timing is teaching us to trust Him in the dark!

Today I Long....

Today I long to pick up the phone and tell you about my life. I long to tell you how I am living in the dream you wanted for me. I long to tell you how hard this dream is but how fulfilling it is at the same time. I long to tell you how lonely my life gets. I long to tell you how God has brought our family through so much! I long to tell you what I really want to do with my nursing career. I long to tell you about the struggles in my life. I long to feel your arms around me. I long to hear you tell me that everything will be alright. I long to tell you how much it hurt that you chose others over me. I long to tell you that even though your leaving shattered my world into a million pieces, I chose to allow it to make me a stronger person! I long to tell you how I wish you would have been there to protect me when someone broke my heart. I long to tell you how I wish you were around to tell me that someone will one day love me for who I am.I long to tell you that I pray for you! Most of all I long to tell you that I have forgiven you! It isn't just a one step deal. I have to forgive you over and over again. Today I long to talk to you!

Shattered Worlds

Tonight my heart is breaking in a million pieces! I look around me and all I see is people hurting. I see people on their knees crying out to God and all they hear is silence. I see tears splattering onto the ground because no one is there to catch them. "Lord where are you? Why are you allowing so many people to hurt?" What tears at my heart the most is not being able to take everyone's pain away! If that tears, at my heart then what must God be feeling right now? No, we don't understand why He allows such horrible things to occur, but He never leaves us through those horrible incidents. Soon after my dad left I use to sit in my closet at night and cry till I had no more tears to cry. In those moments when I was curled up on the floor sobbing, I felt so alone. My tears were splashing onto the carpet with no one there to catch them. Looking back now, I don't just see a heart broken little girl curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing alone. I see a man holding me, with his hands under my cheeks catching not only my tears but his tears as well. Looking back I see my heavenly daddy holding me and crying with me! Tonight I know that even though it doesn't seem like He cares, He is holding each of those precious families and He is catching their tears and His tears! For the rest of us whose worlds aren't being shaken quite as much as others around us, all we can do is pray! Let's come together and pray for those who are hurting and are going through something that seems unbearable! Let's cry with them! Let's hold them up when they are falling down! Let's always remember that God is crying with us! We are never alone!

Only Takes One Drop

In the past couple weeks I have been reminded how one act of kindness can start a whole chain of acts of kindness! In exactly one weeks time, two people filled up my car with gas for me! So for two weeks I didn't have to spend money on gas. These acts of kindness reminded me how much God loves me! I remember after one incident I sat in my car and just cried! The tears that flowed down my face were not tears of sorrow but tears of joy and thankfulness. God's love was so real to me that night. I felt His arms of love wrap around my shaking body not once, but twice! After these acts of kindness occurred to me I wanted to go do something kind for someone else. Then a thought struck me! It only takes one person. It only takes me to start a chain of acts of kindness. This chain could stretch around the whole world! This chain could change the world! Yes, life is hard sometimes. Yes, we sometimes feel depressed about where we are in life but when we go and add to that chain, we not only brighten someones day, we brighten our own day! We can change the world together. Just one drop of your love! It only takes one drop!

Where Feet May Fail

"I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves. When oceans rise my soul will rest in Your embrace for I am Yours and You are mine!"  I love this song but this morning it took on a whole new meaning for me. I have been following a page on Facebook about a girl who fell and is now paralyzed. Today she had a video of her singing this song and then a thought struck me. Would I be singing this song if I was in her shoes? Would I have a smile on my face? I was really challenged by her faith and trust in Jesus. Then she sang some words that really struck me and started to really challenge me. "Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, where ever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior!" Am I willing to walk upon the waters, where ever God calls me? In the past couple weeks I have not been willing to walk upon the waters for fear of failure. I did not keep my eyes above the waves. But I am His and He is mine so I will keep my eyes above the waves and I will call upon his name when storms arise. Becoming a nurse seems impossible. Nursing school is the wave that I see coming in the distance and I have turned the opposite direction and have started running. When it crashes in me I'll go down and I won't get back up. I have to run! Then something makes me turn around and walk at the wave. I take a step into the water. I see the ocean coming closer. Everything within me wants to turn and run, but I will keep my eyes above the wave!