EASTER: God's Love

As the whip hit his back, he buckled with pain. Blood oozed out of the gashes on his back. As I stood there watching, tears streamed down my face. Why were they hurting him? Wasn't he the one who was healing people? I couldn't even begin to understand the pain, rejection, and anger he was going through at the moment! As I was watching them beat him, he looked up and looked right at me. His eyes were so full of compassion. When he looked at me, all the fear that was within me left. The sense of calmness overpowered the sense of fear.

Suddenly the soldiers grabbed him and shoved a crown of thorns on his head. As his scream of anguish reached my ears, I instantly threw my hands over my ears. I couldn't bear to hear the pain in his voice. After they shoved the crown on his head, they made him stand to his feet. What they did next was more than my heart could bear. Upon the deep gashes on his back, they laid a cross and he had to carry it. As he stumbled down the path, tears streamed down his face. But his tears were down occurring because of the pain he was feeling. His tears were tears of compassion for those who were rejecting him. Suddenly the cross became to heavy to bear and Jesus fell to the ground. A man was commanded to carry the cross for him. While Jesus was staggering along the path, people starting spitting on him and yelling, "Crucify him!" As I stood along the path watching and listening, my heart became heavy. I started screaming and begging people to stop but it was like no one could hear me. 

Love Most when Deserved Least

Most people need love the MOST when they deserve it the LEAST. I was reading a book and this line jumped out at me. How often do I ignore people when they need love the most? I was convicted because I know that after people hurt me, I normally don't love them back. My normal response is anger and hurt and I choose to ignore them. But today God told me that when people hurt me, that is when I need to love them the most. God asks us to do some pretty hard things, huh? The past two months have been stormy for me and it seems impossible to love those who hurt you. In the past two days two people have told me that I need to forgive and love again. I told my mom that its hard because it seems like people do the same things over and over again. How can I forgive when I know its just going to happen again? I told my mom that I'm just not ready to forgive right now! The cut is too deep. Then my mom told me that I need to pray and voice to God that I want to forgive that person. On top of asking God to help me forgive them, I need to ask God to help me love them. It doesn't seem fair though. It feels like all I do in life is forgive people! I thought it was going to be enough to forgive my Dad but now I need to forgive friends and family. But when it doesn't seem fair, I remind myself that God has forgiven me over and over and over again. If He can forgive me and love me again than I can forgive and love those who don't seem to deserve it!    "Lord help me to love and forgive again. Help me to be like You. Help me to overcome the hurt in my life. Help me to surrender the hard things in my life over to You! Lord, help me make it through this stormy part of my life."

The Promises of my Daddy

My amazing family

My little brothers :)

My little brother :) So glad he is still with us today!

The one who understand everything about me!

My Rosie! Oh how I miss her!

My favorite person in the whole world!

My bestie :)

My "big sister"

My life has changed allot in the last month. I am officially working at Walnut Hills nursing home and on Wednesday my CNA classes begin. Hopefully by the end of April I will be working as a CNA. Yes, I can't believe my dreams are slowly coming together. My plans are to work as a CNA while I attend school to become a RN. Becoming a nurse was a dream my dad and I had for my life. But today I have to conquer this dream alone. This dream of becoming a nurse looks like a giant mountain that I cannot conquer. As I stand at the bottom of this large mountain fear grips every part of my small being. How am I suppose to reach the top? Am I not just a small person in a world full of more intelligent people who are way more equipped to reach the top of the mountain? Lord, how do you expect me to climb this mountain? There is no way I'll make it! Oh Lord, why do you put the desires of being a nurse in my heart? Why does my dream have to be so hard to reach? Suddenly all my questions are shattered by the sternness of a loud voice! "Samantha Jo Raber! Have I not shown you before that with Me, you CAN make it through the hard times? Have I not shown you that I only give you what I know you can handle. Sami Jo, I will not leave you stranded on the middle of the mountain. I will be with you always." I love the promises of my daddy!

Someone Worth Dying For

Maybe you're the girl thinking you'll end up alone
Praying God, can You hear me?
Oh, God, are You listening?
Am I more than flesh and bone?
Am I really something beautiful?
Yeah, I wanna believe
I wanna believe that
I'm not just some wandering soul
That You don't see and You don't know
Yeah, I wanna believe, Jesus, help me believe
That I am someone worth dying for


Am I someone worth dying for? This has been my question the last while. So many things have happened to me already this year. I am slowly making progress in my career as a nurse. I went to Elnora Bible Institute which has been by far the best experience in my life. I met my best friend there and it was only by God that I met her! This year I have also felt rejection. Last night I told my mom I am fine. I told her I'm immune to rejection and it doesn't hurt anymore. The funny part is, as I was telling her rejection has happened so often it doesn't hurt anymore, tears were flowing down my face. Ya she chuckled and informed me I will never be immune to rejection. Well today I agree with my mom. No human being will ever be immune to the feeling of rejection. My way of dealing with rejection is pushing it deep down and putting on a happy face and telling everyone I'm fine. Because I don't talk about my hurts I struggle with the thoughts I am nothing worth dying for. I am nothing worth loving. Above this paragraph are the lyrics to an amazing song that God keeps playing for me. Everytime I hear it I am reminded that I am someone worth dying for. I am someone worth loving! This is my song for the year of 2013! Today if you are feeling like you are nothing worth dying for, listen to this song! You are someone worth dying for! Someone did die for you!  Jesus, I want to believe. Help me believe I am someone worth loving and someone worth dying for!

Father Daughter Love

As I look around the room I can't help but brush away tears. My heart experiences the emotions of jealousy and joy all at the same time. What I see blesses me so much. I see fathers sitting on benches holding their daughters. But they aren't just holding them, they are holding them with pure love and pride. Oh how I long to be held like that by my own father. As I close my eyes, I pray that if God allows a man to come in my life that he would hold my future children with such love and pride. To the fathers in my church, thank-you. Thank-you for loving your daughters. To my uncles, thank-you! Thank-you for being the men in my life that I admire so much! Thank-you for showing me what I want in my future husband! I love you all so much! Bless you for loving your daughters! 

   A couple nights ago as I was driving, tears slid down my cheeks. All I wanted was a hug from my dad. But since I can't have those I run to my friends. Tonight I am thankful God has blessed me with a friend that always welcomes me with a hug! Zac, thank-you for being that godly best friend in my life I can talk to. Thank-you for giving me hugs when I needed them the most! You have no idea how thankful I am for your friendship! You have been the older brother I never had :) 

October Baby

She was a failed attempt of abortion. She was lied to. She was rejected, yet she chose to FORGIVE! This is the story of "October Baby". If you have never watched this movie, please take time and watch it. I have been so blessed by this film. It amazes me how this young girl chose forgiveness and was set free from the bonds that held onto her so tightly. After I was finished watching this film, my heart was heavy with pain. Pain for all those young souls who have been aborted and pain for all those souls out in the world who have not sought forgiveness in their own lives. Then guilt clenched my heart. Last night I was hurt and today I want to openly confess that last night and today I was holding onto bitterness and anger toward those who hurt me. Right now I want to take time to say that I forgive them! Even though the circumstances don't change, I want to  continually seek to forgive them. I want to be like the young lady in the film. I want to forgive those who hurt me and to let go of things and turn them over to God.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Dad, today is your birthday and it saddens my heart that I can't wrap my arms around you and tell you happy birthday in person. It saddens my heart that I can't celebrate your birthday with you! But today Dad, my birthday gift to you is a small token of my love for you. Today for your birthday I will bless you with the words, I forgive you.