The Dance of Life

Life is a dance. I am dancing to my daily routine when he cuts into my dance. There he is again. Where had be been? Where did he disappear to this time? With a smile on my face I join him in my new dance of life. He twirls me around with proudness shining through his eyes. His love for me making my smile become wider across my face. He was leading me through my dance, the way he was always suppose too. I close my eyes enjoying very moment. Suddenly I no longer feel him leading me. I feel my body spin out of control with no one to stop me and protect me. I catch myself before my body is hurled upon the cold floor. He was gone. Again. Slowly I gather myself and through the tears and confusion I begin to dance again. But this time I dance alone. How long would he be gone this time? How long would it be before he came back to dance with me again? This is my dance of life. But as God drew this illustration in my mind today, he asked me something I want to ask you today. Is this your dance with God? Do we come and go with God? Do we only dance with Him when times are hard? Do we only dance with Him when we need something from Him? Dancing with God should be a ball room dance that never ends! A dance that never runs out of music. How is your dance with God? God never stops dancing with us but do we stop dancing with Him? The last while I am guilty of stopping my dance with God! Through this illustration He gave me of my own life I realized how I make Him feel when I randomly stop dancing with Him. I hurt Him but yet He is always there waiting on me! How is your dance with your Heavenly Father?

DISTANCE

      Distance. The word makes me shiver.So often when I think of the word distance, I think of the many miles that separate me from my best friend. But the last while when I think of the word distance I think of the space between God and me. I feel like there is so much distance between us. I feel like He has abandoned me and completely forgot about me. I have been struggling with this for a couple of weeks now and I would keep pushing it underneath until finally last week I felt like I was completely depressed. I knew what was really bothering me but kept telling myself that the distance between I and God would have to wait because right now I have to much studying to do for finals. Finally the stress of school and the stress of that distance got to me. So I sat at my desk and pulled out my bible (the last thing I felt like doing) and began to read and think. Slowly the pieces came together. I was angry at God. I was angry at God for leaving me and forgetting about me. In my mind I know God doesn't leave me and I know that He doesn't forget about me. But my heart and my mind aren't communicating! Well I prayed and cried about it that day and then the rest of the week I kept trying to figure out how to make my heart and my mind communicate. And I kept trying to figure out why I struggled with this so much. Then tonight as I was talking with my best friend everything began to click. The reason I struggle with thinking God forgot about me and He abandoned me is because I often view God  the way I view my earthly father. I often think God is there but He really doesn't want anything to do with me. Yes, He loves me, but He loves other things more and chooses them over me. In other words, I viewed God as Him being there but really not caring about me or what is going on in my life. With my mind filled with these thoughts I opened my bible and the first thing I saw on the page I turned to was CRUCIFIXION. Wow! So I sat down and read that terrible yet amazing story. Jesus loved me so much that He endured being mocked, being spit on, and being crucified. As He hung on the cross His body became weaker and weaker and eventually He suffocated to His death. Jesus loved me so much that he endured all those horrible things! But how do I make my heart believe that? How do I make my heart believe that God is there and will never ever abandoned me and that He cares so much about the things I'm going through and feeling? How do I stop viewing God the same way I view my earthly father? I don't have the answers to these questions. But I do know that if I take it one day at a time and continually spend time with God, I will over come this fear inside of me that God really doesn't care about me. And from now on when I hear the word distance I will think of it as a challenge. A challenge to overcome the distance that separates me from God!

For the Paul Byler family

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn 

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes


         Will the struggle end? Once more they gather to say their final goodbyes. Once more they hold each other with tears streaming down their faces. "Not even five months ago we buried our father and now You take our mother too? Lord, where are you? Will the struggles end? Lord, will a song rise from our broken hearts?" The casket shuts. "Lord, why? We need at least one of our parents!" The shovel strikes the dirt. Thud. The dirt slams onto the casket. " No, Lord! We want to see her one more time. To hear her speak one more time. To feel her arms of love wrapped around us one more time!"        
          People leave and life goes back to normal. But what is their new normal? Will they find a new normal? Will the struggle end? Together they will gather with no parents in the midst of them. No longer will they hear their words of encouragement. No longer will the grandchildren see their grandpa and grandma. But with this sadness comes peace. Peace because they know their parents are holding hands and walking the streets of gold. Peace because they know that one day they will join their parents and walk that street of gold with them. Yes, the days will be hard and no the struggle may never end but neither will God. Yes, people may seem to forget about them but God won't. Each day He gives them just enough strength for a new day! Each time they feel like they can't take one more step, He picks them up and takes the next step for them. God not only does this for the Byler family but He also does it for you! In the midst of our struggle and the tragedies in our life, God is right there. So often we feel like He has forgotten us but He is right there holding His hand out to you!

Dreams.... Empty Dreams

Have you ever had such big dreams for your life that they scare you? Dreams that you want to accomplish and you feel like you have it all planned out? Well I have been told I can be a big dreamer and sometimes I get so caught up in dreaming about all the things I want to accomplish that I forget about bouncing back into reality. Tonight a thought struck me. I think these dreams are amazing and I think they would be the ultimate perfect life for me, but does God think that about my dreams too? Ha well of course because God wants whats best for me and I clearly know whats best for me! Hahaha yes I do believe God just chuckled as I wrote that :) I always think my dreams would make the perfect life and I have to do everything to accomplish things. Well off I go trying so hard to accomplish my perfect dreams that I forget about God. Suddenly I'm stopped in my tracks. Where is God? Why is nothing going the way I want it to? "God, I know what career I want. I know where I want to take my career. I know what type of man I want to marry. I know all these things so why are they not happening?" In the stillness of the night I hear a whisper. A whisper that is so quiet but yet shatters the stillness of the night! "Sami, you have all these dreams and desires but you are trying to accomplishing them alone. You aren't allowing me to help! Your dreams seem so amazing to your human mind but the dreams I have for you can't even be comprehended by your human mind!" Yes, my dreams appear so wonderful but I need to follow God's dream and plan for my life. His dream for my life will be far greater than my own! Chasing our dreams end up with us feeling empty. All we need is God's love and to step in the footprints He has made for us!

Ephesians 3:20

" Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."  Ephesians 3:20          Today in my devotions I read that God is able to do for more than what we ask or can even begin to imagine! We shouldn't become discouraged about prayers that are unanswered. God doesn't answer right away because He wants to teach us to wait on Him, to trust Him in the hard situations. Instead of worrying when we get into a hard situation, we are to view them as a way for God to show His power and love for us. In the past couple months God has answered allot of my prayers but then there is one that continues to remain unanswered. A couple weeks ago I had some things on my car that needed to be fixed and I had no idea how I was going to pay for them! One night I lay in bed and with tears flowing down my face I cried out to God and told Him that He would have to provide a way! As soon as I turned everything over to God a sudden wave of peace flowed over me! Well a couple days later I received a donation for my schooling and I was able to get my car fixed so now next week I have a vehicle to drive to school! Yes, God continues to show me that nursing school is where He wants me right now even when I feel like I'm too weak to handle everything! There are days when I have no idea how I will swing everything financially and even emotionally but then I remember Ephesians 3:20. God is able to do more than what we even ask or can even imagine! But what about that prayer request I've been praying for over two years and its still unanswered?? It seems strange that God answers some of my prayers but then not others. Then a thought struck me... I still worry continuously about this unanswered prayer. In the last couple months I've actually pushed away from God because He hasn't answered this prayer. Why do I forget the prayers He has answered and dwell on the fact that He hasn't answered this prayer?? When I had my devotions this morning I realized that timing is God's way of teaching me to trust Him. Yes, I trusted Him with my smaller prayer request but I know that I don't completely trust Him with this bigger prayer request and I know that God knows I don't trust Him with it. He knows that worry is controlling me still. Instead of worrying about this prayer and when it will be answered or if it ever will be answered, I want to allow God to teach me to trust Him. I want God to show me how perfect His timing is. I know that if I wait on God to answer this prayer it will be absolutely beautiful. The hard part is trusting Him while I wait. I want to end with Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." I believe if we wait and trust God's timing He will give us strength! In this coming year lets trust His timing even if its seems He has forgotten us! God's timing is teaching us to trust Him in the dark!

Today I Long....

Today I long to pick up the phone and tell you about my life. I long to tell you how I am living in the dream you wanted for me. I long to tell you how hard this dream is but how fulfilling it is at the same time. I long to tell you how lonely my life gets. I long to tell you how God has brought our family through so much! I long to tell you what I really want to do with my nursing career. I long to tell you about the struggles in my life. I long to feel your arms around me. I long to hear you tell me that everything will be alright. I long to tell you how much it hurt that you chose others over me. I long to tell you that even though your leaving shattered my world into a million pieces, I chose to allow it to make me a stronger person! I long to tell you how I wish you would have been there to protect me when someone broke my heart. I long to tell you how I wish you were around to tell me that someone will one day love me for who I am.I long to tell you that I pray for you! Most of all I long to tell you that I have forgiven you! It isn't just a one step deal. I have to forgive you over and over again. Today I long to talk to you!

Shattered Worlds

Tonight my heart is breaking in a million pieces! I look around me and all I see is people hurting. I see people on their knees crying out to God and all they hear is silence. I see tears splattering onto the ground because no one is there to catch them. "Lord where are you? Why are you allowing so many people to hurt?" What tears at my heart the most is not being able to take everyone's pain away! If that tears, at my heart then what must God be feeling right now? No, we don't understand why He allows such horrible things to occur, but He never leaves us through those horrible incidents. Soon after my dad left I use to sit in my closet at night and cry till I had no more tears to cry. In those moments when I was curled up on the floor sobbing, I felt so alone. My tears were splashing onto the carpet with no one there to catch them. Looking back now, I don't just see a heart broken little girl curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing alone. I see a man holding me, with his hands under my cheeks catching not only my tears but his tears as well. Looking back I see my heavenly daddy holding me and crying with me! Tonight I know that even though it doesn't seem like He cares, He is holding each of those precious families and He is catching their tears and His tears! For the rest of us whose worlds aren't being shaken quite as much as others around us, all we can do is pray! Let's come together and pray for those who are hurting and are going through something that seems unbearable! Let's cry with them! Let's hold them up when they are falling down! Let's always remember that God is crying with us! We are never alone!