If We Are The Body

"Its crowded in worship today, but she slips in trying to fade into the faces. The girl's teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know.... A stranger is far away from home and sheds his coat and quietly slips into the back row. The weight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances are better out on the road." Today these lines in Casting Crowns' song, "If We are the Body" have really struck me. How many times have I seen someone try to fade into the faces and I just stood there and watched and didn't go make them feel like they are someone? How many times has my teasing voice carried farther than I realized? How many times has your teasing laughter carried farther than you realized? The song goes on to say that if we are the body than why aren't his arms reaching? Why aren't his hands healing? Why aren't his words teaching? Why aren't his feet going? Why is his love not showing them there is a way? How many times have I hindered God's body from reaching someone? I am suppose to show people that everyone is loved by God instead of showing them that only if you have a good past, only if you look and dress a certain way can you receive the love of Christ. The song goes on the say that Jesus paid too high a price for us to pick and choose who should go. If we are the body we need to reach out to others. We need to go make that stranger feel he is welcome and allow him to feel the love of God. I am sure that we wouldn't want to be the person that feels odd and unwelcome. I am sure we have all at some point felt that and I am sure that we didn't like the feeling. Since we didn't like the feeling, do you think others like that feeling? No one like to feel unwelcome and left out so lets put an effort forth to welcome everyone no matter how they look and no matter what their pasts holds. God welcomes everyone and since we are his hands and feet then we need to welcome everyone too. That stranger may have never heard the love of Christ and you may be his only chance. Lets be the hands and feet of Jesus and show the love of God. Lets stop judging and allow people to have a chance. Guys judging people does not define who they are it defines who we are. " Do not judge. You don't know what storm I have asked her to walk through!"  -God  Lets be the hands and feet of Jesus. 

Just Another Step of Forgiveness.

Four years came and went with a phone call here and a couple texts there, yet I never did see his face. A part of me was glad he never did show his face. Not seeing him helped me work through the pain and rejection he left me. I knew seeing him would stir up so many feelings and I didn't want to work through them again. But the time to see his face again crept up on me this Thanksgiving. The day had come to see my Dad after four years. My body was telling me not to go see him but my heart was telling me it would be the right thing to do.  Finally I lifted my face to heaven and whispered, "Lord, if you want me to see him then I will. But you will have to make it possible. " I knew that seeing my Dad again was another step in the endless forgiveness process. And I knew that this was a way I could show my brothers how good it was to forgive Dad for all the pain he caused us. That evening there were butterfly's bouncing up against the walls of my stomach. Everything within me was telling me to run. But I made that short trek over to my Uncles store and opened the door. The door slammed behind me and I looked around. On top of the steps my eyes caught sight of the face that promised me he would never leave. The face that hurt me and rejected me. Instead of  screaming at him and telling him how wrong this was that I couldn't just go home an see my Dad like normal 19 year old girls, I embraced him. I sat with him and my aunt and we talked for awhile. In those 20 minutes that we talked, never did my father ask me a question about myself. Never did he ask me if I'm still pursuing my dreams he always told me to chase. How could I look at him and still feel sorry for him and love him? My answer is short. GOD. God gave me strength to make it through that night. God gave me strength to once again forgive him. Yes, this weekend has been extremely hard on my family with seeing my dad again. Many things we had worked through and had overcome we now have to go backwards and rework through them again  But because of God and His promise to never leave us, we will make it. Because of God I can love my dad even when he hurts me. This weekend I have learned how amazing freedom is and how amazing it is to forgive and move on with life. I am so thankful for my God and His plan for salvation. Most of all I am extremely thankful to have a heavenly father who never breaks His promise. His promise of never forsaking us. God gives us hard things but He doesn't give us more than we can handle. 
Thank-you Lord, for helping me forgive my father and for helping me up those many steps of the forgiveness process. Thank-you Lord, for turning ashes into beauty. Thank-you Lord for coming into my own life and being a Father to me and  filling the voids in my heart my earthly father left. Lord, thank-you for not giving me more than I can handle. Lord, you mean so much to me and I just wanted to tell you that I hunger for you and I love you!

Loner

Today I realized something about myself. I realized I am a loner. I don't always like to do things alone but I often do. The reason why is simple. When I do things alone I don't have to worry about hurting anyone and I don't have to worry about getting hurt. When I'm alone the only person that can get hurt is me and I'm not going to hurt myself. I play the game of life safely. But here is the question. Is this a good thing? Is it good for me to do things alone just because I am scared of getting hurt? I don't think so. Christ did not create me to be alone. He created me to be a friend. How can I be someone's friend if I keep away from people and even if I am with people I hold them at arm's length. But the fear of being abandoned is so powerful and its starting to yet again have a stronghold on my life. Once again I have to work through the process of giving this fear over to God. Once again I have to work through the process of giving everything over to God. But this is hard. What if God lets me down. Yes, I know God won't let me down but this is so hard for me to grasp because sometimes I view God like I view my Dad. The past couple weeks I have been fighting myself. One part of me wants to keep building walls but the other part of me wants to tear down the walls that have been making their way around my heart again. This week someone reminded me that forgiveness is a process. Today his words really sank in. Not only is forgiveness a process but trusting and giving things over to God is a process. I will probably for the rest of my life struggle with tearing down walls. I will always struggle with the fear of rejection and abandonment. But its a process. And I hope that this process will get easier. But right now this process is hard. Especially with the holidays coming up. But I will keep on fighting. And slowly the arms length that I hold on people will become shorter. And even though the fear of abandonment and hurt will always be a part of my life, one day it will become easier and easier to overcome as the process goes on. So continue to pray for me since my battles are not and never will be over with. And I will start to play the game of life not so safely. 

Surrender

Tonight I knelt at the altar and I surrendered. I surrendered my dreams. I don't understand why God wants me to do what He does. I feel incapable of conquering the challenge He has set in front of me. I don't feel strong enough to run the race. Tonight when I knelt at the altar I learned I have to do what God is calling me to do no matter how alone I will feel and no matter what people will say of me. Surrendering that was the hardest part! And then a brother came up to me and he told me he doesn't know me but he noticed me the past two nights and he senses that God is doing something in my life. He just wants to tell me to go and do it! I didn't know what to say at first. How did he know I needed to hear those words? Everything he said I shouldn't worry about was something I was worrying about. Then him and a friend prayed over me.  This brother has no idea how much he hit everything just perfectly. But there is one person who knew I need to hear those words. That one person is the Almighty Father. The Ruler of All. Even though my dreams look impossible and the dreams God has for me look impossible I know that with God I can accomplish them and I can't wait to see where God leads me!

Thank-you for being you

Tonight I watched a movie about a young man who was a strong christian. He started dating a girl who wasn't a christian and she wanted to take him to parties and do things that we as Christians do not believe in but because he was such a strong christian he didn't give into the temptation. It started to amaze me how he never gave up no matter how odd he looked to the rest of the world. I was so glad I watched this movie because I have been been struggling with why I have to be the one with such a strong conviction for some things. It often feels like I'm alone and don't belong anywhere because of the things I believe are right and wrong. Sometimes I am scared I will be alone forever in this world. I'm scared that if I live in my town for the rest of my life I will never be accepted. But in the end of the movie the young man won over hearts to the Lord. In the end he was accepted for who he was. It amazed me how in the end it all panned out. Then a thought struck me. One day someone will accept me for who I am. One day someone will look at me and say thank-you for being you! Guys I can't wait to hear those words! I am so excited for the day where I will belong somewhere perfectly and be loved for who I am. Until then I guess I will have to wait patiently. In the mean time I am going to encourage people to be who they are. I want to bless people who have made an impact on my life. In order to be accepted and loved I also have to allow others to feel accepted and loved.

Strongholds

Today I have a strange feeling! I feel joy and sadness all at the same time. This weekend I was at my LBS reunion. I was not sure what to expect for the weekend. I didn't know how some things would work out. There were so many things I wanted to happen to me at the reunion but none of them happened. Yet I am happy. I am happy because a year ago I would have been depressed because my weekend didn't go how I wanted it to. I would have been miserable the whole weekend because nothing went how I thought it should. But I didn't become depressed. Instead I am happy! I put myself out there and enjoyed my weekend even though I wanted it to go a bit differently. I guess I am happy because this weekend I realized that I have overcome. I have overcome controlling. I am ready to let God do His work. I realized I can have a way better time if God is in control. Things don't always need to be my way. I am glad I wasn't in control this weekend because I like how things turned out!