Strongholds

Today I have a strange feeling! I feel joy and sadness all at the same time. This weekend I was at my LBS reunion. I was not sure what to expect for the weekend. I didn't know how some things would work out. There were so many things I wanted to happen to me at the reunion but none of them happened. Yet I am happy. I am happy because a year ago I would have been depressed because my weekend didn't go how I wanted it to. I would have been miserable the whole weekend because nothing went how I thought it should. But I didn't become depressed. Instead I am happy! I put myself out there and enjoyed my weekend even though I wanted it to go a bit differently. I guess I am happy because this weekend I realized that I have overcome. I have overcome controlling. I am ready to let God do His work. I realized I can have a way better time if God is in control. Things don't always need to be my way. I am glad I wasn't in control this weekend because I like how things turned out!

Today a sense of sadness fills the weary soul of mine. Yes, this weekend I feel like I made a huge step forward in totally overcoming my control issues.  But this weekend I learned I have a strong hold on my life. A strong hold I need to get rid of. This weekend I realized I am a people pleaser. I don't like when people are mad at me so I do everything to keep everyone happy. But my friend told me that I need to stop worrying about if people are mad at me. She told me that I can't live my life based on other people's attitude. Later I was talking with another friend and he told me something that made all the pieces fit together. He told me that maybe some of the time people really aren't mad at me but I imagine it and almost like expect them to be upset with me. After he told me this it all made sense. About two years ago there were certain people in my life that always seemed to be upset with me. Now I tread softly around them and always have a fear of upsetting them. Because of this fear I try to do everything in my power to keep them happy and I always try to say the right words. I realize I react to them. This weekend our speaker talked about strong holds and how you react to people. I realized I have a strong hold on pleasing people for fear of upsetting them if I don't do things their way. Today I am saddened because I now have to overcome this strong hold in my life. I am saddened because I am realizing there will always be things to overcome through out my life. But joy fills my weary soul because I know I can overcome with my King as my Healer.