Just Another Step of Forgiveness.

Four years came and went with a phone call here and a couple texts there, yet I never did see his face. A part of me was glad he never did show his face. Not seeing him helped me work through the pain and rejection he left me. I knew seeing him would stir up so many feelings and I didn't want to work through them again. But the time to see his face again crept up on me this Thanksgiving. The day had come to see my Dad after four years. My body was telling me not to go see him but my heart was telling me it would be the right thing to do.  Finally I lifted my face to heaven and whispered, "Lord, if you want me to see him then I will. But you will have to make it possible. " I knew that seeing my Dad again was another step in the endless forgiveness process. And I knew that this was a way I could show my brothers how good it was to forgive Dad for all the pain he caused us. That evening there were butterfly's bouncing up against the walls of my stomach. Everything within me was telling me to run. But I made that short trek over to my Uncles store and opened the door. The door slammed behind me and I looked around. On top of the steps my eyes caught sight of the face that promised me he would never leave. The face that hurt me and rejected me. Instead of  screaming at him and telling him how wrong this was that I couldn't just go home an see my Dad like normal 19 year old girls, I embraced him. I sat with him and my aunt and we talked for awhile. In those 20 minutes that we talked, never did my father ask me a question about myself. Never did he ask me if I'm still pursuing my dreams he always told me to chase. How could I look at him and still feel sorry for him and love him? My answer is short. GOD. God gave me strength to make it through that night. God gave me strength to once again forgive him. Yes, this weekend has been extremely hard on my family with seeing my dad again. Many things we had worked through and had overcome we now have to go backwards and rework through them again  But because of God and His promise to never leave us, we will make it. Because of God I can love my dad even when he hurts me. This weekend I have learned how amazing freedom is and how amazing it is to forgive and move on with life. I am so thankful for my God and His plan for salvation. Most of all I am extremely thankful to have a heavenly father who never breaks His promise. His promise of never forsaking us. God gives us hard things but He doesn't give us more than we can handle. 
Thank-you Lord, for helping me forgive my father and for helping me up those many steps of the forgiveness process. Thank-you Lord, for turning ashes into beauty. Thank-you Lord for coming into my own life and being a Father to me and  filling the voids in my heart my earthly father left. Lord, thank-you for not giving me more than I can handle. Lord, you mean so much to me and I just wanted to tell you that I hunger for you and I love you!