The Visit

After the divorce papers came many many court hearings. Mom felt that we weren't suppose to fight for our house so we didn't. We ended up losing our house and having to move. We had no clue where we were going to move to but I knew it would be okay and it was. We now rent a house and we have amazing landlords. Praise God! My dad ended up fighting for custody of us children. The court decided that we would have to go to my Dad's house every other Saturday. When this news reached my ears I felt trapped. I couldn't move! "Why God?  Haven't we been through enough??" The night I heard this news I was on the phone with my best friend Stacy for a very long time. All I could do was cry. She was amazing through this difficult time. She would cry with me and just listen to me. Soon those dreaded Saturdays came. All of us children were always a mess the week we had to go see Dad. Saturday morning would dawn on us way too soon:( Before we went outside into Dad's vehicle, Mom would gather us in a circle and pray God's protection over us. This is the reason I believe we made it out of my Dad's house on some of those visits without being harmed. After Mom was finished praying we would go out and some of us would have to sit in the trunk of Dad's envoy because he didn't have enough seats for us. We would travel about two hours then we would be at Dad's house. Him and his girlfriend would try to have stuff for us to do. The day always seemed so much longer than normal. Once it was evening we would meet mom and one of the couples from church in town and then we would head home. We did this for a couple months. We kept praying something would happen that we wouldn't have to go again. One Saturday we we got ready to go see Dad again. We prayed just like we always did not knowing how important the prayer was for today and how much we would need it. Like usual   Dad came and picked us up and we headed for his house. That Saturday Dad told us he remarried. That was only the start of that dreadful Saturday. Due to some people not wanting me to post what happened next I will not post it. All I will say is that day I ended up  sitting outside in the lawn holding Tyler and sobbing for hours. Finally the day was over and we could go home. We kept praying we wouldn't have to go back! That visit ended up being our last visit. Dad called a couple Saturdays later and said he doesn't have enough money to come get us anymore so we stopped going. That visit affected my brothers and I in so many ways. But I believe that with God we can overcome it. This year at LBS I learned that with God we can overcome anything and with God I overcame this visit and I was free of it! Please continue to pray for my family. Thankyou:)

Tears and the Papers

I laid there curled up in a ball in the closet that connected my room to my mom's room listening to my mom wailing. The only thoughts I had were, " why me God??", "when will this end??" Every time I cried out to God there was only silenced that followed my pleading. Where was He when my dad ran out? Where was He when my mom was crying? Why wasn't He helping me?? I was so frustrated with God! But to this day I still don't know why God let it happen to my family but I do know where He was when my Dad left or when my Mom was crying. My God was standing right beside us holding us and crying along with us. He was holding my hand while I laid there in my closet! I spent many nights in the closet listening to my mom. Looking back I can't believe I actually made it through that. It seemed to hopeless back then. I was scared I would never get my smiling and laughing mom back. It took a very long time but praise God I did get her back.
          The weeks after my dad left were really hard and full tears being shed. Around a month or two later my Dad had to come back for my great grandmas funeral. He started talking like he was gonna move back home. He said he was gonna go on another truck run and then he would be back and probably move back in. But he never did come back home. I do not know exactly what all the dates are for these events but one day we stopped in at the post office to get the mail but what we didn't know was that there were papers in there that would change out lives even more. I will never forget the gut wrenching sounds my mom made when she got in the van with that big yellow envelope. Inside were divorce papers. When we got home mom wouldn't get out of our vehicle. Once she finally had enough energy she got out and went up to her room and started wailing loud gut wrenching cries. Soon preachers and family were at our house holding each other and crying out to God. This evening is engraved in my mind forever. I thought I would never see my mom smile again and my family would never be normal again. "God, it can't get worse, can it?" What I didn't know is that it actually could get worse. But I will save that for later. Please keep my family in your prayers. We still have lots of struggles and tears but we do continue to march on with God holding our hands.

     

Rejection

About five years ago on a Saturday evening I was helping my mom wash the dishes. Like normal we started talking and soon she started crying and she told me that my dad didn't want to go to church with us anymore. The news slammed into my gut and it left a stinging sensation.But in a way I knew it was coming. My parents had had problems for as long as I can remember. I would often hear them yelling at each other in the basement. But still the news hurt. I honestly do not remember the rest of the evening. All I remember is the next morning. That morning is the morning my life changed forever. 

I woke up to my brother coming in the room and telling me to wake up because Dad left. All I replied was " Who cares!" All I wanted to do is lay in bed and not get out. I finally got out of bed and went downstairs. When I got downstairs I saw my mom and my four little brothers all sitting on the couch crying. And that is what we did the rest of the day. We held each other and cried and people came over and cried with us too. This is only the beginning of my story of rejection and hurt. But as of now this is all that I'll write. I do want to share the rest of my story throughout the rest of the year. Hopefully I will be able to speak words of encouragement to all of you:)