EASTER: God's Love

As the whip hit his back, he buckled with pain. Blood oozed out of the gashes on his back. As I stood there watching, tears streamed down my face. Why were they hurting him? Wasn't he the one who was healing people? I couldn't even begin to understand the pain, rejection, and anger he was going through at the moment! As I was watching them beat him, he looked up and looked right at me. His eyes were so full of compassion. When he looked at me, all the fear that was within me left. The sense of calmness overpowered the sense of fear.

Suddenly the soldiers grabbed him and shoved a crown of thorns on his head. As his scream of anguish reached my ears, I instantly threw my hands over my ears. I couldn't bear to hear the pain in his voice. After they shoved the crown on his head, they made him stand to his feet. What they did next was more than my heart could bear. Upon the deep gashes on his back, they laid a cross and he had to carry it. As he stumbled down the path, tears streamed down his face. But his tears were down occurring because of the pain he was feeling. His tears were tears of compassion for those who were rejecting him. Suddenly the cross became to heavy to bear and Jesus fell to the ground. A man was commanded to carry the cross for him. While Jesus was staggering along the path, people starting spitting on him and yelling, "Crucify him!" As I stood along the path watching and listening, my heart became heavy. I started screaming and begging people to stop but it was like no one could hear me. 

Love Most when Deserved Least

Most people need love the MOST when they deserve it the LEAST. I was reading a book and this line jumped out at me. How often do I ignore people when they need love the most? I was convicted because I know that after people hurt me, I normally don't love them back. My normal response is anger and hurt and I choose to ignore them. But today God told me that when people hurt me, that is when I need to love them the most. God asks us to do some pretty hard things, huh? The past two months have been stormy for me and it seems impossible to love those who hurt you. In the past two days two people have told me that I need to forgive and love again. I told my mom that its hard because it seems like people do the same things over and over again. How can I forgive when I know its just going to happen again? I told my mom that I'm just not ready to forgive right now! The cut is too deep. Then my mom told me that I need to pray and voice to God that I want to forgive that person. On top of asking God to help me forgive them, I need to ask God to help me love them. It doesn't seem fair though. It feels like all I do in life is forgive people! I thought it was going to be enough to forgive my Dad but now I need to forgive friends and family. But when it doesn't seem fair, I remind myself that God has forgiven me over and over and over again. If He can forgive me and love me again than I can forgive and love those who don't seem to deserve it!    "Lord help me to love and forgive again. Help me to be like You. Help me to overcome the hurt in my life. Help me to surrender the hard things in my life over to You! Lord, help me make it through this stormy part of my life."

The Promises of my Daddy

My amazing family

My little brothers :)

My little brother :) So glad he is still with us today!

The one who understand everything about me!

My Rosie! Oh how I miss her!

My favorite person in the whole world!

My bestie :)

My "big sister"

My life has changed allot in the last month. I am officially working at Walnut Hills nursing home and on Wednesday my CNA classes begin. Hopefully by the end of April I will be working as a CNA. Yes, I can't believe my dreams are slowly coming together. My plans are to work as a CNA while I attend school to become a RN. Becoming a nurse was a dream my dad and I had for my life. But today I have to conquer this dream alone. This dream of becoming a nurse looks like a giant mountain that I cannot conquer. As I stand at the bottom of this large mountain fear grips every part of my small being. How am I suppose to reach the top? Am I not just a small person in a world full of more intelligent people who are way more equipped to reach the top of the mountain? Lord, how do you expect me to climb this mountain? There is no way I'll make it! Oh Lord, why do you put the desires of being a nurse in my heart? Why does my dream have to be so hard to reach? Suddenly all my questions are shattered by the sternness of a loud voice! "Samantha Jo Raber! Have I not shown you before that with Me, you CAN make it through the hard times? Have I not shown you that I only give you what I know you can handle. Sami Jo, I will not leave you stranded on the middle of the mountain. I will be with you always." I love the promises of my daddy!