Belonging

Well, I have not  posted anything in a couple weeks and too be honest I'm not sure what to post. Life has been a little hard the last while but at the same time its also been good. The feelings of not fitting in anywhere have entered every corner of my heart. I have come to a point where I am so scared if I go hang out with people I will experience that feeling of not being wanted. This fear has caused me to hide in my room weekends and to put walls up around my heart. This fear is wrong! I want to be the person that is a friend to all and puts herself out there hangs out with whoever. But at the same time that's hard. I remember a few years ago when I had one group to hang out with every weekend. I remember the feeling of being wanted. Its hard for me to be happy with where I am at today when I look back on the past and remember how easy those times were. Then I remember that we are not called to look on the past nor to look into the future but to look on today and live for what we have now. So today I want to stop focusing on the past but remember what I have today. Every time the feeling of not fitting in anywhere enters my heart I want to remember that I do fit in somewhere. I fit in my Savior's arms. I fit in my family. Most of all I fit in at the hospital and that is where God is calling me. Yes, a couple years ago I fit in with a group of friends, but today I fit in at the hospital and that brings me so much more happiness and fulfillment.
Lord, today I want to praise you for the friends I have. I want to praise you for my amazing family. Lord, I have been focusing on the past to much and how I no longer have a place to belong. Lord, today I want to ask you to help me focus on what I do have. I want to remember the fulfillment I feel when I walk into the hospital. Lord, help me remember the good things in life instead of always remembering the hard things. Lord, help me remember that where you want me is where I belong. Help me to always put other's feelings first and then worry about myself. Help me to stay strong in you. Help me to be more like You each day. Help me to strive to serve you! Lord, I pray that You would speak to me today. I pray that I would feel your  presence. Lord, most of all help me to be happy with fitting in with You. Help me to not worry about anything else but to fit in Your perfect heavenly arms.