Ever meet a person that has to be in control all the time? Well if you met me about two years ago then you did meet a controlling person. I had to be in control of everything! If a group of us would go away we would have to leave on the time I said. If we were late I would totally freak out! That is how bad of a control freak I was. Everything had to be just right. When I was 16 I found myself in a relationship. Oh that poor guy! Right at first everything was good. Soon my control issues started showing. If he didn't do something how I figured he would I would throw a fit. He pretty much had to walk on water. On top of me trying to control him I also smothered him. I had to know what he was doing at all times. I would get all upset every time we said goodbye in the evenings. I was so scared he would leave or something would happen to him. Well because of my controlling and the way I smothered him so much, he did leave. And did I take that hard. I thought life would never be great again. Even though he broke up with me, I kept texting him. Looking back I'm very embarrassed at how I responded to certain situations. Eventually I did move on with life. Even though life was different and I lost people due to the breakup, life was good. I will never forget the one evening I was sitting at a stop light and I was asking God if I will always be alone. All of a sudden I felt God tell me something exciting was going to happen to me! I got all excited and I had no idea why. Well a couple weeks later I got asked out! I prayed about it and I felt God was telling me to go ahead with it. I hadn't really struggled too much with my control issue so I thought maybe I was over it. Well I started dating and I was happy again. I felt myself falling for him and that made me even more happy. The best part was he treated me so well! Oh everything was going so good. I met his family and I loved them. I was so sure this was gonna be my family. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Well soon those control issues came back. And once again, poor poor guy! When he didn't do things the way I thought he should I would throw a fit. I acted like a brat! Well one night he told me something that changed my life forever. I was arguing about something. To be honest it was something very ridiculous! Poor guy didn't even know what he did wrong! Well we were driving down this road and I remember exactly where we were and what I was looking at when he looked at me and said "Sam, you have a serious problem and you need to get help and work through it." Well at that moment I just wanted to slap him because I knew it was true. Well time went on and we ended up on a break. While we were on a break I went to a counselor. She told me I was holding on to life with tightly clenched fists. She told me I need to go home and pray a prayer where I vision my life floating over to God. Well I decided I better try because I don't have to much more to lose. I remember standing in the shower with tightly clenched fists, tears flowing down my face, and crying out to God and telling Him I'm ready to give it all over to Him. When I went to open my fists, I couldn't. I could not open my hands! Then I felt something incredible. I felt someone pry open my hands and I saw my life float over into God's hands. After that night my life changed! Yes, the guy I loved ended up breaking up with me, but unlike before I was okay. Every time I thought of him again I would close my eyes and see him float over to God. To this day I still do this prayer. Every time I want to be in control of my life, I close my eyes and imagine everything floating over to God. When I looked back I didn't understand why God would tell me to date that young man if He saw it wasn't going to work and I was going to have to deal with more hurts. But now it all makes sense. If I wouldn't have dated him I probably would never have overcome my control issues. God's ways are not our ways but they sure are perfect.
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