Forgiveness

Well today I am going to write about how I came to forgive my Dad. The week after my last visit with my dad, I went to camp out in Indiana. Little did I know what would happen that week to me. I had no idea what a life changing decision I would make. I went to camp with the same mind set I did every year. Of course this time I knew it was my last time going. During the day we had some bible classes and then lots of games and activities. In the evening we would assemble together and listen to the speaker. To be honest I don't remember any of the messages. All I remember is my heart being heavy and knowing that something was wrong and God wanted me to do something. By the end of the services I was always outside in tears. People would come to pray with me and they would want to know whats wrong and my answer was always, "I don't know." Deep down I knew it had something to do with my dad. One night my counselor was telling us her story and then she told us she would be out on the porch if anyone wanted to talk to her. I knew what I wanted to tell her. When I got out to the porch I just froze up. I sat there and said nothing. She looked at me and told me she wants me to talk to the leaders of the camp because she thinks I need to forgive my dad. My first instinct was to look at her and say no way! In my mind I was saying there is no way your gonna get me in a room with the leaders. The next day believe it or not she got me in a room with the leaders. And let me tell you, I was one nervous lady! I had no idea what they were going to do with me. We sat down at this table and they started asking me questions. Once they were finished with the questions they said they wanted to say this prayer with me. One of the preachers would say a couple sentences and I would repeat them. Never have I ever prayed a prayer like I did that day! In the prayer they had me ask God to give me visions. And the visions I had were so real! First I asked God to show me my heart. The heart I saw was completely shattered into millions of pieces. I saw God take all the rejection, bitterness, anger, hate, hurt, and all the gross stuff out of my heart and chop it up with an ax and then He burned it. I saw God hold me in His lap like I was a little girl. I saw God hold my Mom and my brothers. Then I told God that I forgive my dad. In the end I asked God to show me my heart and the picture I saw changed my life forever. My heart was a complete and perfect heart! In the beginning of my prayer I told myself I am not going to cry. I don't cry in front of people, especially these people. Well we were barely into the prayer and the tears started falling! By the end when I saw my perfect heart I was sobbing. From that moment on my life was changed forever. Yes, forgiveness is a ongoing process but it starts with that first step. Once you do that first step the rest gets easier. I have had to forgive my dad again and again but its so much easier. Instead of being angry at him all the time, I'm normally only mad at him for like a day and then the love for him comes right back. Yes, the love I have for my dad is a bit different than the love most of the girls have for their father but I'm not angry anymore. When people ask me how I am okay with talking about my dad I tell them I forgave my dad and so now I can talk about him without hating him. Guys, if there is someone in your life you need to forgive, please do so! In the end you feel so good and you feel like God is truly living through you. Yes, I still cry myself to sleep some evenings and yes, I still get mad at my dad but it goes away in the morning! I can move on with my life because I have found forgiveness. I have overcame! God won! Let Him win in your life too!